Day One: Amazon

It was going to be the best day of Arnold's life. He had waited 3 weeks for that door bell to ring, to feel that flutter in his stomach, to take hold of that electronic pad and squiggle something close to his name. 

And accept the package. 

That glorious 6 ft package.

"What did you get buddy?" The UPS guy lugged the package up the steps, ignoring the red letters of Fragile, to Arnold's dislike.

"Something that is very important to me. Life changing. And fragile."

The UPS guy gave a shrug, grabbed the signature pad from Arnold's pale hands, and turned to go. 

"Hey," asked Arnold, "aren't you going to help me bring it inside?"

The man turned back, putting up his hands. "Oh, it's too important for me to touch. Good luck buddy."And with a swagger and a sneer, Arnold was left alone.

"Arnold! Aaaardoooold!" 

"What, mom?"

"Who was that?"

"No one, mom...just someone delivering some mail."

"Anything from your sister? I can't wait to get a letter from her, in Peru! Treating impoverished children! What a sweet heart."

Arnold ground his teeth. His mother came around the corner from the kitchen, and looked at him. He watched her gaze move to the large box he had lugged in. She pursed her lips.

"Is that a sex doll?"

"Mom! No! Just, go back in the kitchen."

Arnold watched as his mother turned around with a shrug and a sigh and went back to cooking pot roast.

And now he was alone with the box.

Arnold could feel the electric excitment throbbing through every muscle. He wanted to open it now! But knowing how nosey his mom was...

Grabbing the sides of the box he hoisted it up and half carried half dragged it to the basement stairs. 

Going down backwards with the box sliding after him worked rather well, and soon he was in the half lit room. His room. Arnold rushed up the stairs and turned the sign on the door from "Visitors Welcome" to "Enter and be Destroyed!" He closed the door with a particularly loud and definite click.

And there was the box, sitting quiet, with so much potential, in the center of the room.

Arnold got to work.

Agatha (AKA Arnold's Mom) scrubbed at a particularly burnt pan. That boy! And he was a boy, even though he was in his 30's! Agatha scrubbed at the pan with renewed vigor. Why couldn't he have been like his younger sister? At least there was one motivated person in the family, and she had worked so hard to raise those children right!

The pan now vanquished, she turned her attentions to the pie in the oven. That boy didn't know how good he had it! Always in that cave of his, always on some sort of electronic device. If only he got out into the sun more, mow the lawn, or go play ball with the neighborhood boys, well, then he would look so much...healthier. 

The pot roast was basking in the delicious meaty juices. Agatha knew that she might now get him to act like a normal person, but at least she could feed that boy right! Plump him out. Get some meat on his bones. Next week she would invade his dark dwelling and open those windows, for Christ's sake, and get some light down there. 

Clangs and wirrings broke her reverie. 

"For the sake of sweet baby Jesus," she muttered. Since he had gotten that computer for his birthday last year, and after Agatha had conceded to get internet for that retched thing, there had been nothing but boxes arriving night and day. And banging. And thumping. And the smell of smoke! This box had been the largest by far, though. She marched over to the door, noting that he had flipped the sign to "Enter and Be Destroyed." She banged on the door.

"Arnold. ARNOLD! I demand to see what you are up to down there. Are you burning the house down? Why can't you get outside and mow that lawn oh my goodness the neighbors have been looking at it all week it's gotten so long and do you know how ashamed I am to see their faces looking at our place with contempt and I am going to pull the plug on that awful computer and all this buying of Amazon things with your poor father's hard earned money see that I don't--

The door flew open and Agatha stepped back, the words dying on her lips. A metal woman stood in the doorway, over six feet tall and wearing nothing but a cavewoman’s swimsuit. 

“What in the hell,” Agatha gasped.  The metal woman thumped forward, with Arnold coming up right behind, a controler in hand.

“Oh my God, it’s a sex doll after all!”

Arnold rolled his eyes.

“Not at all. And better than that anyway.”

“Well…what…what is it?”

Arnold pressed a large green button on the controller. A sound, building in intensity began to build, and the metal woman’s eyes turned a strange shade of violet. The sound began to reach a ear shattering pitch, and even with her hands over her ears Agatha could feel the vibration in her bones. That last sensation was the last she knew. Lasers shot from the Metal Amazon’s eyes and where Agatha stood trembling was now a pile of dust.

“Well Mother, it’s my Amazon Minion 2.0, and I’m going to take over the world,” Arnold stated quiet calmly. He felt something else was needed.

“Haha.”