30 Days of Poetry: Day 21: PAIN

Day 21: Pain

Pg 15 of The True Secret of Writing: Connecting Life With Language by Natalie Goldberg.

When you are a cis woman
you are raised to believe that other's pain is your problem
you practice hugging and making soothing sounds
leave a space in your frontal lobes for distressed faces and shut off body language
always on guard
you learn how to save people
ow to do the hard things for them
so they won't feel pain
And while you are learning to help others 
heal pain
you learn about blunting yourself
because you are a potential weapon too
diminish your anger
cool your hot words
stuff the sharpness of your feelings down to the bottom

These lessons bore done into our bones
sit and poke become shame and guilt if we stray
And to this day
these words are as natural to me as breathing
I utter then without realizing
I'm Sorry
I'm sorry I said that
I'm sorry I can't make it out tonight
I'm sorry I disappointed you
Yelled at you
I"m sorry I make more money
want more sex
want less
I'm sorry I didn't pack food for you
make dinner
clean the house
walk the dog
I'm sorry you are hurt
Don't cry 
don't cry
talk to me
I'll stop talking
shhhhh 
it's my fault

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